im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
