It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
