it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
