Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
