is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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