Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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