If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
