i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
