i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She announced her abortion via fbk
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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