i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
