omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
