I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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