I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
