This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
