Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
