Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so let's talk penis.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
