so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
