I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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