We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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