It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
