I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
