He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
