Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
