my room smells like sperm. sweet.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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