I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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