My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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