i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
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We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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