My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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