So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
