Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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