her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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