Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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