By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
