her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
birth control should be required to get into college
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
