too bad you live with your parents still
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
