based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
