i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
