We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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