I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
