Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
