Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
