She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
