I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
