I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
