Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
