My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
