I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
