Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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