I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
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I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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