five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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