I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
