I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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