My room smells like vodka and shame
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
that is very illegal...i love you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
