can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
