i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
