it was like his penis was on wheels.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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