it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
