I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize