Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
