I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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