I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
How naked do you want me to be?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
