dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
