ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I see more hoeing in ur future
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
