He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
ttyl tear gas
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
