I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
