I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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