I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
