Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
