What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We just shotgunned beers for America
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
