he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
