she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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