Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
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