I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Couch. On fire.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
