So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
