Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it's like iHOP with fire
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
