i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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