Got a toothbrush?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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