I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
