Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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