Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
