Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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