your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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