He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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