I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize