i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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