the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
