New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
