i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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