How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
