Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
