Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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