The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
