their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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